Angst Book
by Miss Galinda Poof
Summary: Where we put our lives into Harry Potter through writing notes.
1. Chapter 1

Camilla Blue's Glittery Notebook of Angst and Truth

Summary: Perpetual wallflower Camilla Blue and her friends (among them Cho Chang) observe life at Hogwarts in a tiny little Lisa Frank glitter notebook. Even Harry Potter himself takes part in this little extravaganza. Only wackiness could ensue now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Hogwarts or any characters you recognize. And yeppers, some of the made-up characters will sound familiar from my other Harry Potter story "Harry Potter and the Inept Cheerleading Bimbos", such as Camilla Blue herself. This is actually a twisted version of my life, odd as that may seem... if you know me you'll understand.

Rules

1. You must only write what is true.

2. You must not use the book to "slam" other people who write or may write in the book

Day One:

(Camilla Blue)

I don't know why I'm doing this or even what I'm doing exactly but I'm doing it, so there you go. I'd love to say this is going to be a quirky, truthful reflection of my life, as those seem so popular nowadays. I don't know what this is. It simply is. Is this good enough for you? I hope so. I hope I can entertain you.

I had a movie-girl moment yesterday. (You know, the Muggle moving pictures. Ah, one of the benefits of having a Muggle father and witch mother. The best of both worlds...) I was laying on the floor in my dormitory with my feet (clad in black and white checkerboard socks with hot pink stars on every other white square) up in the air and my pillow under me, and I was drinking a bottle of butterbeer and "doing my Arithmancy homework" (really I was writing a letter to my friend Ashlyn, she's in Gryffindor so we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like. In said notes, which we write most every day we get a chance, we call each other "dahlin" like the women in the 1930's American Muggle films and we talk about our lives.) And I felt like a movie.

I fell in love this past couple of weeks. With a boy named Charlie. He and I have lots in common. We both like to write, and reading and imagining ourselves in the book, and the Muggle film _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_. He is a very nice boy. He has an older brother and sister, and he is sixteen years old. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with him, even though he likes this girl Sam, and he is slightly mentally unstable at times. I love him anyway. He is a wallflower, and I am a wallflower. It is mean to be. Only problem is, he is a character in a book. Go figure. My first love doesn't even exist. The book is really good though. It's a Muggle book, called _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_. My best at-home friend, Samaire, recommended it to me. You should read it if you haven't already. It's very interesting.

One true fact about me: I know all the words to the song "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John, a famous Muggle singer. I am not a raving Elton John fan or anything, don't get me wrong. But I love that song because it is about a groupie. I played a groupie in the school play, _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, (more on that in a second) and that song describes my character perfectly. I learned all the words in one night. (I don't care what Hermione says, my personal CD player works just fine on Hogwarts' grounds and it's electronic. Perhaps it works because I've charmed it... oh well...) It's about this groupie who is also a dancer and she loves a musician very much. It really is pretty simple, but very beautiful.

While I'm on the subject though I'll tell you about the school play. It was year before last, my fourth year, we put it on, for a diversion, and it was Shakespeare's _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. That was the first and last Hogwarts school play. We learned never, ever to do that ever again. It was a big mistake. I was, much to my chagrin, cast as Robin Starveling the tailor (I wanted to be Titania, the fairy queen). In a vain attempt to make my character more interesting, I turned her into a groupie of one of her fellow players, Nick Bottom, played by Roger Davies. Of all things, I chose to be a groupie for one reason: my favourite Muggle film in the entire world is _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_, and my favourite character is Columbia, and she is a groupie. Another film I took into consideration was my other favourite Muggle film, _Almost Famous_, which is about a rock band and a journalist boy who follows them around and the band's groupies. It is a very good film and it fuelled my groupie-ness indefinitely...

I am beginning to "strongly dislike" some things about school. For example, going to school. I used to love school when I was younger. I don't know what happened. Except that I do. I got adolescent, started noticing things. It changed me. I used to be a sweet little kid. Now I am bitter, sarcastic teenager just like the rest of them. And that makes me sad. Very sad.

I hate having my pictures taken. I always look either morbid and gloomy, preppy and vapid, or bubbly and stupid. We took spring photos the other day and just got them back. I look like a bubbly and vapid beauty queen/Pink Lady wanna-be (from the Muggle film _Grease_). And you can see my braces. (Silly Father won't let Mother just straighten them and get it over with...) At the time the bands were pink and blue. I got them changed recently and they are sparkly purple and raspberry now. I try to pick neon colours or colours that will scare my parents. But they will not let me get black anymore, which pisses me off.

I wish I was still old enough to play pretend... I used to like playing pretend when I was little.

(Cho Chang)

I enjoy reading. It is fun. Another thing you might want to know about me is that I go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, this school for up-and-coming witches and wizards, and I am in Ravenclaw house. There's this guy, I love him. He's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hottttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

(Camilla Blue)

Ah, sorry about that, that was my friend Cho, pretending to be me. I agree about all that but the hottttttttttt boy. I have never met a hotttttttt boy. Not in real life. I have very high standards, I think. I'm guessing I do, because I have never met a hotttttttt boy and almost everyone I know has. Hmm. I must have very high standards.

We had absolutely nothing to do in History of Magic today. Double-period with the Hufflepuffs. Binns was out trying to rationalize with the Bloody Baron and left us alone to do "independent study". Instead we sat around. This annoying boy called Timothy kept singing a song about four is the numbers of wheels on a bus. Chrysanthemum, one of my Hufflepuff friends, was working on a quilt square with fishes on it and kept saying "Fishy fishy fishy". Mary Jane, another Hufflepuff friend, was smart and did her Arithmancy homework.

Cho and our friends Lolly (well her name is Kitty, but her last name is McLollipop so we all call her Lolly) and Ginger and I all started work at a newspaper in Hogsmeade. We get school credit for it, plus it's fun. We're at the office right now and we are divvying up assignments. I am writing an article about the trip that Christa and I took over summer holiday to New York City. Because I really do love New York, even tho I was only there for a day. But it's so exciting. Plus I'm tired of hearing about everyone (including the professors) go on and on about the trip a bunch of students took to Italy. I'm sure it was great, but MY GOD, other people went on vacation too!! I think I shall be productive and try to write about New York...

...No more New York essays for now. I just drew a flower on the table I'm writing at. I erased it. The professors would kill me...

"Isn't it funny how the truth just... sounds different?" That's from my second-favourite Muggle film, _Almost Famous_. Penny Lane said it. I think it's true. The truth does sound different cause the truth is different. It just carries a different intonation. It is so hard to say the truth out loud. Sometimes I can't even be honest with myself in my own diary. I am a champion of evading the truth. Not lying, just evading the truth. I operate by the if-I-act-like-it's-not-happening-it's-not theory. Not only do I evade the truth, I can evade my emotions, evade my doubts and insecurities. (God knows I have enough of those.) If I act cheerful and happy, I'll look like I am, and I'll fool myself into thinking I am, and it'll be okay.


	2. Day 2

Day Two:

(Camilla Blue)

I suppose I forgot to mention that when Christa and I went to the States, not only did we go to New York, we went to Disneyland. I really like adrenaline now, ever since the big roller coaster in the California Adventures park. I love being scared, I love my heart pumping, I love blood rushing in my veins, I love the thrills. Christa told me a very lewd joke after we went on that big roller coaster. Not a joke so much as a very lewd comment. What she said was, "I wonder if it's better than sex." I laughed so much when she said that. Just because I did. Partially cause I was high on adrenaline, and partially cause it was actually really funny. Maybe I'm just immature, but talking about sex in Disneyland is funny in its' own right, just cause Disneyland is so happy and innocent and sex, well, isn't.

Christa and I were reading _The Perks of Being a Wallf_lower in the Great Hall yesterday and Cho brought her boyfriend (the famous Harry Potter) around to hang out. Actually there were a whole bunch of us: Cho and Harry, plus our friends Marietta and Ginger (in Ravenclaw) and Ashlyn and Tree, short for Theresa, and Candy, short for Candace, and Astor (in Gryffindor). Also, Harry brought his friends Ron and Hermione, and Ron brought his girlfriend Katie, and Katie brought her friends Alicia and Angelina (coincidentally, Alicia is Astor's older sister). Ron's sister Ginny also came, and Ginny brought her boyfriend Dean, and Dean brought his two friends Seamus and Neville. But Seamus did not bring his girlfriend Jasmine, because she had cheerleading practise. Anyhow, I was reading a part of _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_ aloud, and Harry is now calling me Miss Wallflower. It makes me happy. I like that name. Maybe it will catch on?

(Ashlyn Davis)

For Camilla, it already has. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here in Potions, taking a stupid assessment. People are sitting around me, working on homework if they've finished. Instead I'm writing in a sparkly notebook that is full of angst. I mean, come on, it's pink! I hate pink, but I also love it, tho right now this page is killing me... I wonder what would happen if I flopped to the floor and pretended I was dead, it'd be fun but Snape'd take away house points. I am not doing this notebook justice, so I am going to shut up...

(Camilla Blue)

I agree, Potions sucks. And Ashlyn is doing it justice, she just doesn't know it.

I have to come up with a lead for my New York story. According to the newspaper editor Mrs. Norris (isn't it funny? She has the same name as Filch's cat! Tho unlike Filch's cat she's very nice and agreeable), a lead is the "who, what, when, where, why, how". Did you know that "how" is just "who" rearranged? That is beside the point though. I shall return later once I have my "lead"...


	3. Day 3

Day Three:

(Camilla Blue)

I slept with my (charmed) headphones on so I would wake up to – what else? – my _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ soundtrack. I always do.

Magenta: In another dimension With voyeuristic intention Well secluded, I see all

I

just love that. Mostly cause it says "voyeuristic". I love that word. I just do.

Columbia: Well I was walkin' down the street Just a-havin' a think When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes He stared at me and I felt a change Time meant nothin' ever would again.

I love that part also. Because I do. I don't find Columbia annoying at all like some people do. I think she's cool. And I worship her sparkly blue tap shoes. I think they are super-spiffy.

Columbia: It was great when it all began I was a regular Frankie fan But it was over when he had the plan To start a-workin' on a muscle man Now the only thing that gives me hope Is my love of a certain dope Rose tint my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain

I love that part too. I love it so much. I translated it into Japanese once over the summer when I got bored. I wish I knew where that was... I'd like to show my friends. They'd laugh.

I just ate some chocolate cookies that Samaire sent me by owl post. They were very yummy. I like chocolate. I don't know if I've mentioned that before.

There is a red spot on my hand from where my chin was resting on it. Soon it will stop being red because I moved my chin. Ah, the wonders of boredom. What stuff it causes you to notice!

I sent my mother a letter the other day, going on for pages about everything. I mentioned how I fell in love with Charlie from _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_. She wrote back telling me I was silly. But as I told her in the letter, he and I have a lot in common. I'm not sure if that was what made her think I was silly or the fact that I had fallen in love with him. Cho is reading the book now. I made her flip ahead to the part where Mary Elizabeth made Charlie be in their _Rocky Horror_ cast for a night when Craig did not show up. (Cho has seen it before too- over summer break she visited me and I showed it to her. Actually, a whole lot of my friends visited and I showed it to them, but more on that later...) Cho, in turn, made Marietta read that part. I also made Christa read that part. We laughed very hard because it's funny. I won't say why it was funny because I don't want to give it away. But I will say that it is very funny. At least to me, because I have seen _Rocky Horror_. But I think it would probably be funny even if you hadn't. It just makes it better because you know exactly what they're talking about.

Love confuses me. It really does. I just don't get it. I don't know why, but I don't understand love. I mean romantic love. I understand lots about platonic love and friendly love. I really honestly do. But romance just confuses me to no end.

I have just been informed that since it is such a nice day out, we have convinced our pushover of a Muggle Studies teacher (why I take the class I don't know as I know everything that it talks about as I am half-Muggle) to let us go play Quidditch. Oh, yip-dee-dee. I am so excited.

Ok, I did not play Quidditch. I instead listened to my friend Tranquility and Trina the popular girl talk about piercing their bellybuttons with a kit they bought in Hogsmeade. I think that they're crazy. If any of the professors found out, they'd kill them. I'm also a bit confused as to the general time that Tranquility and Trina became friends... but I guess it is none of my business.

(Cho Chang)

Hey! This is fun. I didn't really mean what I wrote before. But oh well. GRRRRR. I need need need for Hermione to find out if Harry still likes me. Cuz I don't like him like that. And I think from Hermione as my source that we both want to dump each other, but are too nice for our own goods. Cuz we don't like hanging out with each other as much anymore, and sometimes he gets mad at my friends, I do too. And Hermione doesn't want to find out if Harry still likes me. God, Hermione doesn't want to cause she doesn't want to be stuck in the middle. BUT SHE ALREADY IS! I think we both want to dump each other. But I want to make sure that that's true. Ok, I'm done with my romance angst. But I have to say, that was quite fun. Lolly's turn to write!

(Lolly McLollipop)

Ancient Egypt!

(Chrysanthemum McDonald)

Everybody loves me nobody hates me guess I'll go marry myself cause I'm conceited and self-centred well I'm every drama queen's dream!

(Camilla Blue)

Chrysanthemum was singing a little song there. Wasn't it beautiful?


	4. Day 4

Day Four:

(Camilla Blue)

My, I haven't explained about the social layout of Hogwarts yet, have I? Well, let me do that. I don't know much about the first and second and third years, but the fourth-fifth-sixth-seventh years are sorted into various divisive little cliques, some of which I've learned about from my time hanging out with Cho's (now former) boyfriend Harry and his friends, some of whom (like Ginny Weasley) are fourth-years and some of whom (like Harry himself) are fifth-years. Obviously I know about the sixth-years because I am one; and I learn about the seventh-years mostly by watching and observing. Some kids belong to more than one group, some are "drifters", and some kids don't have any group at all.

I

n every house, there are ten girls of various years who are the "cheerleaders". In Gryffindor, that's Emma Dobbs, Natalie McDonald, Trixie Tompkins, Evelyn Trevelyn, Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown, Jasmine Howell, Georgina Glasgow, Bethany Hazard, and Ruby Skeffington. As a general rule, Gryffindor cheerleaders are perky and bubbly and people love them. In Ravenclaw, the cheerleaders are Charlotte Ainsworth, Elena Abercrombie, Ambrosia Landry, Aemilia Jenston, Rhyssa Scarborough, Daphne Greengrass, Mandy Brocklehurst, Padma Patil, Jade Meringue, and Phoebe Tilks. Ravenclaw cheerleaders tend more towards the serious side. In Hufflepuff, the cheerleaders are Rose Zeller, Laura Madley, Eleanor Branstone, Mimi Katt, Claire Spott, Alexandra Morgan, Libby Roderick, Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott, and Janinah Pillow. The Hufflepuff cheerleaders are even bubblier than the Gryffindors, and rather ditsy. And in Slytherin, the house of evil and evilest, the cheerleaders are Drucilla Pann, Miranda Shoppe, Farrah Yoinks, Natasha Colburn, Pansy Parkinson, Gina Dublin, Nancy Peach, Madeleine Cook, and Yvette Tomato. They are, with the exception of Gina who should not be a Slytherin, evil beyond reason. The cheerleaders are popular and they represent the most traditional character traits of the house they are from.

In close relation with the cheerleaders are the Quidditch players. I won't list them, there are too many and I don't know all their names cause they change so often, but they are also all pretty popular and teachers as a general rule like them because they are nice and athletic and such. Cho plays Quidditch; so does her (former) boyfriend Harry. Harry's often brought the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team (that's Harry, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet, Katie Bell, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, and Ginny Weasley) to little study- groups that Cho and Marietta and I organize; some of them seem incapable of travelling without each other.

Of course, like at any school, there are just regular popular kids too. There are various divisions of them, for different years and houses and such; some of the cheerleaders and Quidditch players are "popular kids". In sixth-year, there's a particular group of kids who are "popular". Ringled by the flirty February Pillow (twin sister to Hufflepuff cheerleader Janinah Pillow), this group also consists of the ditsy Babette Brighton, Christa's twin sister and style maven Chrystena Juniper, rebel- cool Trina Mattock, Quidditch-playing boys Zacharias Smith and Michael Corner, and various other boys who come and go, all of whom are in Hufflepuff. Cho and Marietta sometimes go drift with this crowd; Cho is quite good friends with them really.

Another group is the Divination freaks; twins Parvati and Padma Patil and their friends Jasmine Howell and Lavender Brown. All of them are fifth- years and cheerleaders; Padma is Ravenclaw and the rest are Gryffindor. They about worship the ground Trelawney walks on; why I can't quite understand...

Harry Potter's clique is one of the bigger ones in school. With Harry as the central figure, membership tends to fluctuate depending on the circumstances. Charter members are Harry's best friends Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, Gryffindor fifth-years; Ron's fourth-year sister Ginny and seventh-year twin brothers Fred and George are also prominent. Hermione's friend Ravenna Carmichael (a Gryffindor) and Harry and Ron's friends Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom, and Seamus Finnegan are sometimes present, and Ginny's Ravenclaw friend Luna Lovegood (who some call Loony Lovegood) often appears too. Actually come to think of it Cho and Marietta float with this crowd sometimes too...

Tho they float with several crowds, Cho Chang and Marietta Edgecombe are at the centre of their own clique. Astor Spinnet (younger brother of Gryffindor Quidditch Chaser Alicia Spinnet and sixth-year Gryffindor), Astor's Ravenclaw sixth-year girlfriend Ginger Kingston, eclectic Gryffindor sixth-years Tree Branch and Candy Cane, Ashlyn Davies (younger sister of former Ravenclaw Quidditch captain Roger Davies and sixth-year Gryffindor and one of my best friends), Christa Juniper (sixth-year Ravenclaw and one of my best friends), and I, Camilla Blue, sixth year Ravenclaw, are the other members of this group. All of us sixth-years (except if Cho brings Harry to visit), all of us Ravenclaws or Gryffindors. As a general rule this group is very happy and involved in the world around us. Some of us (like Astor and Ginger and Tree) are pure of thought; some of us (like Cho and Ashlyn and Christa and I) aren't quite so much.

The other group I belong to consists of a bunch of opinionated diverse crazy sixth-years. Christa floats from group to group with me; coincidentally she is also with this group. Renée Talbot (a Hufflepuff), Mary Jane (a Hufflepuff), Kitty McLollipop – tho we all call her Lolly (a Ravenclaw), Tranquility Waugh (a Ravenclaw), Chrysanthemum McDonald – Natalie the Gryffindor cheerleader's older sister (a Hufflepuff), and the only boy, William Brown – Lavender's older brother (a Hufflepuff). All of us fun and quite weird...

It's funny how oblivious Professor Vector is to the fact I'm writing this. Either that, or he just doesn't care. We have been reviewing the same exact stuff for two or three weeks now. Thank god the exam is Friday. Then we can learn new stuff! Yay! How exciting!

(Cho Chang)

Wow! I am soooo over everything. It's great. I LOVE IT. I also love the Muggle film _School of Rock_.

(Lolly McLollipop)

Men are oblivious to the obvious. Like cramps and having your period. I know that William pretends to have cramps and then joins the girls in cramp relieving stretches. I get mad at him when he does this.

1) He isn't having cramps. 2) He doesn't have the added excessive bleeding.

I felt like mentioning this burst of anger as I am CMS-ing (Constant Menstrual Syndrome). Camilla came up with that.

I hate men at this time of the month.

Damn them to hell.

But then again, without them, all of mankind would die out. Psh. Who needs mankind? Not the poor environment that is constantly being paved over for our convenience.

The world is messed up.

(Camilla Blue)

Yes! I completely agree. Men should go to hell. So should the Easter Bunny...

(Lolly McLollipop)

The Easter Bunny gives us chocolate though! And right now I love him/her/my mother because my period would seem less horrible with some of the truffles I got.

(Cho Chang)

Ok, I return, and I still love _School of Rock_. Read between the lines! Sorry, that was random. Oh well. We are random people. Marietta and Hermione and Harry and I were talking about incest during lunch. It was funny. It was great, and Harry was like ewww!

(Lolly McLollipop)

Patrick (freaky blue eyed boy) should DIE!

(Camilla Blue)

Hah. Incest is funny. Well, the word "incest" is. And "incestuous" too.

(Ashlyn Davies)

Grr... I hate periods... period! I was doing a spread-eagle in the common room for no reason, and people were all around. So I didn't know that my period's red little, no, big head decided to read up. I'm pissed at the damn gods who gave women periods. And it's my god-damn birthday!

(Katie Bell)

He he! :-)

(Ashlyn Davies)

Men are assholes... GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

(Camilla Blue)

Wow, this whole Glittery Notebook of Angst and Truth idea is catching on... so far, Cho, Ashlyn, Lolly, and Katie have written in it. Though Katie didn't really write much, did she?

I hate to admit it, but I like the song "Touch-a-Touch-a-Touch Me" from _Rocky Horror_. I think it is funny. Plus I just like it for strange unknown reasons. The first time I heard it, I just sat there going What. The. Heck? But it sort of grew on me. Mainly cause I think it's funny.

Once Christa and I were watching _Rocky Horror_ together, it was over summer holiday, and when that part came on Christa pretended to dry her hair (well, she was really drying her hair, but it was already dry) and I put on my Mickey Mouse ears that I bought when we went to Disneyland and I painted her toenails red. It was great fun. Christa and I are very Magenta and Columbia. She is Magenta, I am Columbia. It works out quite nicely. That is just the way we act, and we like it.

Yum. I love cookies. I just ate a sugar cookie with Easter sprinkles from the package my parents owled me and it was very yummy. It was also very happy looking. Pastel bunny sprinkles. Enough said. Hmm... now I want another cookie...

You know what else I love? I love the Beatles. They're a Muggle band from the 1960's. They are just so good. They have all these gorgeous songs that just make me melt when I hear them. Some of my favourites are "Norwegian Wood", "Across the Universe", "Girl", "In My Life", "Michelle", "She Said She Said", and "Eleanor Rigby". Just beautiful.


	5. Day 5

Day Five:

(Camilla Blue)

I'm recalling instances from summer holiday. If my father thought I was lying he would sometimes say something like, "You know if you lie, you'll go to hell," something along those lines. I don't really get scared by that, though. I'm not sure why. Maybe cause I don't think telling one little white lie is sending me (or anyone) straight to hell. If it does, then we're all going to hell. But I don't know if I believe in hell even. The world, the universe, it's all so vast. How do you just disappear when you die? I think, honestly, that the whole rebirth idea makes more sense. I don't know why, exactly. It just does. But I'm getting all theological. Religion is just not my strong suit. I'm sorry, but it just isn't. I question things too easily. I'm far too sarcastic and too sceptical.

We are reading depressing nurse poems now. They are all about nurses in various wizarding wars and all the awful things they've seen. Reading poetry is fun, but this is just depressing and morbid...

(Cho Chang)

Ok, I shall be back. I used to love Defence Against the Dark Arts. Now I hate it. Professor Umbridge is so stupid. We made a whole list of reasons we hate her. Seriously, no one likes her. I don't know how she got this job...

I feel like I need to write something about the past...

So... um, here's Harry.

(Harry Potter)

SEX, DRUGS, AND TEENAGE ANGST

THIS IS WHAT OUR WHOLE LAST YEARS AT HOGWARTS ARE GOING TO BE FULL OF. I can't wait. It's pretty weird that because of angst, we can be grumpy and pissy and not know why. I miss the days when we were all still happy-go- lucky... OH WAIT, I NEVER HAD THOSE... STUPID DURSLEYS... STUPID VOLDEMORT... STUPID EVERYONE...

If there is a God, why must he make us suffer so? DAMN HIM, DAMN ANGST, AND DAMN SCARLETT O'HARA!!

I wish I could just skip ahead through "teenage-phase" and already be a famous and wealthy Quidditch player. LIFE ISN'T VERY NICE.

END OF ME.

(Camilla Blue)

I can't think of much else interesting today... oh, and just in case you were wondering, when Harry wrote "END OF ME" he was meaning, "THE END", not "I AM NOW COMMITTING SUICIDE". Just for clarification.


	6. Day 6

Day Six:

(Ashlyn Davies)

If we think this is bad, wait till we get to the real world. I hate people who think they are so much better than everyone else. And I also hate those who latch onto the "popular" people in hope. Sorry, but I know a specific somebody that is like that...

(Cho Chang)

And I know a certain someone who has the hugest ego in the whole world. And everyone hates them. But they think everyone loves them.

(Marietta Edgecombe)

So true.

(Cho Chang)

And I know who everybody is talking about. Haha. And this certain person tries to be all 'cool', but they are not. Obviously, cuz even the people who love that person, hate them.

I wish I could talk to Hermione and Harry and Marietta. They are the only people who really know me right now. Marietta mostly...

The person I was speaking of before is a slutty bitch and a fucker!

Tee hee.

Wow, that was fun! A tiny bit of my pissy-offy-ness was relieved, but of course not ALL. And I hope this certain person knows how I feel towards them right now or else I would be sad, and even have more of a reason to be pissed at them. But that's not the point, well it is... Oh well. I'm done... for now.

(Camilla Blue)

Ok, it's official, by Muggle film standards this book is now rated PG-13 for "offensive language", "drug references", "sexual content and innuendo", and general teenage angst and sarcasm.

Today during Arithmancy I started having a mental spaz session over my grades. I have never been out of the top ten in any subject IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. And I'm worried I might be slipping in Potions and/or Arithmancy right now. THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. EVER. I am supposed to get top marks in every subject forever, graduate with honours, go to a good Muggle university, graduate with some fancy and semi-useful degree, and go into the world successfully. I can't not be getting top marks. I will die. Either my parents will kill me, or I will kill myself. But that will only happen if I'm not getting top marks. I don't care if I'm exactly number ten on the top ten list, as long as I'm in the top ten I won't die. I know this makes me sound like some hyperstudious grades-obsessed neurotic freak, like Hermione, but you know what? I don't care! Right now I am in hyperstudious grades-obsessed neurotic freak mode!! It's not Potions I'm worried about so much (my parents know Professor Snape is a right prick) but if I'm not in the top ten for Arithmancy they will kill me!! They always tell me to do my best... but MY GOD, I just don't understand Arithmancy sometimes. Ok, usually not much. Not lately at least. Too many goddamn things to memorize, I can't keep them all straight. What will happen if I get out of the top ten? Will I be getting an angry owl from my parents? Will it ruin my chances of getting into my as-yet-undecided dream university? Will it affect my chances of graduating with honours? Is it so awful of me to just want to be able to do all this without effort? I know I sound totally self-obsessed right now... but if I am not in the top ten for marks, I will DIE. Maybe just of guilt. But I will die somehow, I know it. Be it by homicide, suicide, guilt, or what have you... but I will die somehow. I am too young to die! I haven't become a Muggle movie star yet, I haven't written a novel yet, I haven't been midnighting (how my friends and I refer to going to a midnight showing of _Rocky Horror_) yet, I haven't dyed my hair a crazy colour, I haven't pierced my ears yet! I've never had a job, I've never read _The Catcher in the Rye_ yet, I haven't even been in love with someone who isn't a character in a book yet! I'm too young to die! I can't not get top marks! If I don't get top marks I'll die and I can't die because then I'll go all Bang, Bang, You're Dead, all "I'll never get to go to Paris? Texas? No, France! I'll never get to have my beautiful husband hold my hand in the delivery room of the maternity ward and tell me to push, push, push, while I tell him to SHUT UP!" cause I'm too young to die and I'll miss out on all these important life things cause I'll be DEAD and I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!

...Okay, I'm somewhat better now. Oh, I'm just gonna say that any opinions in this little living message-board are solely that of the author. If I'm not the one writing it, it is not my opinion and therefore please don't blame me. Not my writing, not my fault. Got that? Just clearing that up cause I don't want to get people mad at me for stuff I didn't even say. Whee. I know that makes me sound like a total dippy idiot, but today I am. So ha-ha to all of it.

(Marietta Edgecombe)

Yay, it's so funny about what Cho and Ashlyn wrote, it makes me laugh, oh well...

(Camilla Blue)

Poor Marietta, she keeps having to stop in the middle of her sentences...

(Camilla Blue)

Sometimes I wish everybody would just shut up for once in their lives... I do mean everybody. I wish everybody would just shut up and live. Put their petty differences behind and move on and just live. Sometimes everyone is just so goddamn self-centred (myself included) and we just refuse to listen to anything or anyone else. We think so highly of ourselves that we forget about everyone else. I hate it. I am so tired of people. Once again, myself very much included.

(Lolly McLollipop)

My life isn't stressful, it's other people's lives that make me stressed. I feel stressed. But I can't wind down...

(Camilla Blue)

I am getting a crazy feeling that the article I wrote about New York is gonna get sacked. It doesn't have anything to do with anything. It isn't this past year's trip to Italy and it isn't next year's trip to Japan and it isn't anything but Christa and my day in New York City. It just isn't important enough and nobody freaking cares... at least it seems that way. I'm not even done copying out my final draft. I want to know if I'm gonna make the cut before I do. Otherwise I'm just wasting my time.

You know I don't even feel sad about that. I really don't. Mr. Corner (yes, Michael's father) is just here giving us lots of newspaper clichés and I just hit my head on my book-bag. It felt very refreshing...

(Lolly McLollipop)

I would rather read your article on New York than anything else. I WENT to Italy and I'm already sick of it. Things don't go fast enough here. They drag everything out.

Oh, and who was the person "posing" as a "popular" person? Aren't they all popular? As long as you have a friendship with one of them and you're self- centred... I'm not finishing that...

(Camilla Blue)

Ehh... I still don't know what that whole thing was. I never tried to figure it out. And thank you very much about the wanting to read it... wow, that Kai kid actually suggested front paging my story. Not that anyone else even commented... but I feel flattered.

(Lolly McLollipop)

Kai is actually okay. He has a goal to be...

I started a conflict. Damn.

Anywho, he wants to be a writer; a goal. And he has good suggestions. Much more than any other guy has. It's like Harry. He wants to be a Quidditch player. Life goal! Most guys I know would rather just play around and eat. Like my dad. But he's already achieved some life goals.

You know, why doesn't Mr. Corner just decide for us? Ergh.

(Camilla Blue)

Ok, I totally agree. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. And Monty, ("Camilla's stories are on the front page too much") you know why my stuff gets on the front page? MY STORIES ARE ACTUALLY DECENTLY WRITTEN AND NOT ABOUT GODDAMN QUIDDITCH EQUIPMENT! Ergh. Death.

(Lolly McLollipop)

Yes. Your articles have an actual plot. Damn Monty. He's against everyone.

(Camilla Blue)

He's voting over there against me and looking right at me and smirking and I WANT TO KILL HIM. God, I sound self-centred, don't I? But I don't even care. I just am very not happy with Monty. It's not even a matter of my story. I just hate that kid.


End file.
